I was watching Step Up 2, The Streets the other day (great movie) and realised that my life isn't a movie. It doesn't really have a plot. It has a beginning though and I'm in the middle but I'm just not sure what the end is. It's not glamorous however much I'd like it to be, everything doesn't just fall into place like it does in the movies, I'm not a picture perfect movie star with flawless skin and a superb body (and I certainly can not dance like they can but that's neither here nor there).
I have everyday problems, I have things from my past that I haven't worked through yet, I have things in the present which are stressing me out and I'm sure my life in the future isn't going to be an Oscar Winning Performance.
BUT... I took a hot bath with bubbles and salts and candles last night. I lay there contemplating all of this in amongst sniffles and tears. And I realised that no one has a life like the movies. I'm not alone in all of this.
God is there for me. And I must learn more to depend on Him more. To hand over my problems to Him and to know that He has control. It's not an easy thing to surrender to God. To hand over your life and trust that it's being looked after but I need to do it.
I also am truly blessed by the family I have. My parents are wonderful. The love they share for each other is a love that I aspire to in my own relationship. They also love me beyond what words can say. They are the people I want to become. My brothers are my rocks, my best friends. Without them I would be sinking in sand and drowning. I know each and everyone of them would drop everything to be at my side if I needed them. They make me laugh, they cheer me up, they are each different in their own special ways and they are all such wonderful company. My sister in laws are the same and are fast becoming very close friends as are the beautiful girls that my brothers are dating.
My best friend Lisa. She knows what to say and when to say it. When to snap me out of something, when to be brutely honest with me and when to sugar coat things for me. Lis has been an amazing friend over the last 14 years. She is amazing and I'm looking forward to rocking in a chair next to her as we grow old together and our friendship just grows stronger and stronger.
And James. I can not express how much he means to me. In fact, this part of my life is the part of my life that is kind of like a movie... at the end, I do get the boy! On the surface he is handsome, sweet, loving, kind, smart, funny, and the list goes on but it's the things that people don't see that I cherish the most. The whispered "I love you" when he thinks I'm sleeping, leaving the cucumber on the side of his plate because he knows it's my favourite salad ingredient, watching my tv shows and pretending to like them (Although I'm pretty sure he actually likes them), his drive and determination to finish what he started, his love for his family, his love for my family, his encouragement to me that I can be the best I can be, his excitement at the little things in life. This list could also go on and on but I'm a little bit selfish and would like to keep him to myself. James is everything to me. I look forward to one day being married to him, having his children, growing old with him and having many many adventures to tell our grandkids.
So whilst my life may not seem like a movie, it sure has a story of it's own. It's not glamorous, it's not ideal sometimes and some days I just feel like staying under the covers and crying all day but I'm sure we've each been through those days on occasion.
I'm trying to turn over that leaf. Trying to move on and look forward to what lies ahead. And I know with God, James, my family and Lisa and everyone else around me, I can do it.
Thanks for reading.
